Let me just start by saying that I am the worst at resting. No matter what I do, or how much I get done I am always thinking about the next thing that needs to be ticked off of my to-do list. My brain believes this crazy idea that if I don’t go to bed exhausted, then I didn’t do enough to allow me to rest fully.
It drives my husband nuts. So nuts, in fact, that it gets in the way of being together. When my husband just wants to sit down after dinner to watch a movie together, all I want to do is finish loading and unloading the dishwasher, wipe down the countertops, sweep the floor, take out the trash…. And pretty soon an hour and a half has passed, and I’m on my hands and knees scraping food out of the oven.
What we have realized after many, many, failed attempts at trying to change each other is the following, opposing facts:
In order to get stuff done, Jacob must first rest
In order to rest, Kara must first get stuff done
Basically Jacob and I are polar opposites. Which most of the time results in burnout, arguments or lots of passive aggressive silent treatments.
One of the best ways Jacob and I have found to recenter ourselves is by taking off and going on vacation. A long rest, removed from the monotony of the day is a great way for us to reconnect, center ourselves and refuel our brains.
You may have seen from my most recent insta’s that Jacob and I took a 9 day vacation where we took a road trip all the way from Austin, Texas to Disney World/Universal Studios in Orlando, Florida.
When I go on vacations I try to check myself out mentally for the entire duration of the trip. However, this was a lot easier when I was in a corporate setting, knowing that even when I’m off, I could cash in that PTO and still be “making money” while relaxing. Life is a little different when you’re self-employed and PTO is not a reality.
Needless to say, checking out mentally this time was a lot more difficult than I thought it would be. I kept stressing out over whether or not I had finished wedding prep, if my vendors had all the information they needed, putting out last minute fires with florists, and didn’t really get to my desired mental mind-state until a couple days into our trip.
Like most people, I struggle with feeling like I’m never “enough”. Whether it’s being “skinny enough”, “successful enough”, “prepared enough” etc. I always view myself as missing the mark.
During our vacation, I struggled with feeling like I wasn’t doing “enough” for my business. Doubt about my abilities as a leader, feeling like I hadn’t earned time to relax, and questioning my ability to continue the keep the ball rolling from a very successful first month plagued my thoughts for the first few days.
However, after speaking with Jacob and remembering his mantra of “first I must rest in order to get things done”, I realized that if I wanted to continue to keep the momentum building and work hard, I would need to take time, do some self-care, rest my 100 miles per hour mind and just live in the moment while we were together.
If you’re a bride I’m sure you can relate - between booking vendors, scheduling dress fittings, choosing a cake flavor, making a list of photos you want captured, choosing your bridesmaids, feeling like you’re wedding, or you aren’t going to be “enough”, life can feel like it’s moving too fast and you can never take time to enjoy your engagement.
Well brides-to-be let me be one of the many to tell you that
1) You’re enough
2) It’s okay to rest
3) You’re planning for a marriage more beautiful than your wedding - so take the time to invest in the relationship!
It’s okay to just “be”. It’s okay to take a vacation from planning and rest.
(And trust me - I know it’s hard. I’m preaching to the choir here.)
After getting over my inability to rest my thoughts, Jacob and I had a fantastic time getting to enjoy each other’s presence, acting like we were 8 years old while we got to meet princesses and princes. I rekindled my love affair with roller coasters and ate probably way more than I should have in Mickey Mouse ice cream bars.
Now I’m back and ready to rock our 2018 weddings! So to all my friends, brides and tribe - if you’re feeling a tad burnout, go take a day trip somewhere special, tune out the noise, recenter yourself and come back ready to rock.